The good times we shared alot, when you really cared alot.
Like steam from a coffee pot, it’s fading way.
Fading away, fading away.
You’ve changed and it’s showing, baby.
You’ve changed and it’s showing.
Tell me, where is your love going?
– Temptations, Fading Away
Soo about last night…
When you’re a kid you get a new toy and it’s the most amazing thing ever. It’s exactly what you’ve always wanted and God help the person who thinks they’re gonna be playing with this toy at all, let alone more than you. You take this toy with you everywhere, it’s your go to for everything; show and tell at school, road trips, bedtime, if you can manage to convince your parents to let you bring any ONE thing out of the house it will be this toy. Now after a while, things with this toy will go one of two ways:
- You’ll put it down one day and start playing with something else and eventually that toy will be something you only remember if someone else wants it or if you see/hear something that reminds you of it.
- That toy will always remain your constant companion and you’ll keep it with you until you are grown and even then you might keep it like I kept some of my stuffed toys from my childhood
With relationships, the process isn’t very different. You meet someone new, you guys text/call/see each other every chance you get. They’re you’re first thought in the morning and your last thought at night. You may or may not fall asleep on the phone or mid conversation, but you’ll pick it right back up the next morning. This is your constant companion and you wouldn’t have it any other way.
But eventually, as with all things; change comes and it goes one of two ways usually: you move onto commitment and begin to build on top of what you already have to reach the next level in your interaction/relationship, or your interest dwindles and suddenly early morning texts becomes a late morning thing you do when you’re going through the motions, lunch dates become awkwardly silent and “I Love You” sounds more like “Yeah, whatever” than anything else. The excitement you had to be in each other’s company is replaced by a million things that keep you apart and one or both of you is left wondering what happened and how things ended up going this far South.
No reasonable person expects every person they ever date to be “the one”. You may feel like they could be at first and then something might happen and you realize that although you may have cared deeply for or even wanted them to be, they just aren’t it. But I think every reasonable person expects to not be led on or treated as less than amazing because someone is “bored with their new toy”. For me personally, it’s a feeling that never reconciles itself. If it’s someone you really care deeply for you find yourself thinking about it throughout the day/night, you feel sick inside because it was all good just a week ago.
When you tell someone you love them and they say it back you expect that to mean something; when it starts seeming empty a part of you feels like you were duped. I always tell people my gift and my curse is that I love too hard or not at all. If I tell you I love you, believe that I really mean it and that means you have a very special part of me that I don’t generally just show/give to any and everybody. I will go above and beyond for you if I need to and when the balance is upset between us it affects me wholly.
We make the mistake as adults of trying to absolve ourselves of any accountability for the hurt we cause. We do relationship level things with someone but never call them our boyfriend/girlfriend so that when we grow tired of or have gotten whatever we wanted from that person, we don’t have to feel badly about their broken heart because we “didn’t lie about what we were”. We tell people we love them but do things that don’t make them feel loved. We tell people we miss them but make no effort to connect with them; and as if this isn’t enough, when they notice and try to bring it to our attention, we brush it aside as their baseless paranoia and even act annoyed by it because we don’t want to be responsible for hurting them. It’s a shitty way to carry about our business, but as humans sometimes we’re pretty shitty.
I don’t have all the answers, I don’t even have a few of them to be honest; but what I do know is that if you ever cared anything for the person you’re pulling back from then you owe it to them and quite possibly yourself to take accountability and be honest with them about what is/has been happening. There’s nothing wrong with letting them know that although your feelings have changed/faded, the wonderful things about them have not.
–Fade to Black–