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What I Need From You Is Understanding

-Xscape, Understanding

Soo about last night…

I’m a mother.  My son is turning 14 this year and if it’s one thing that I can say about him, it’s not often if at all that I have to repeat myself to him.  Generally if we have a conversation about something he did/is doing that I don’t like, we both get the opportunity to speak on it and changes are implemented as required on both or either side.  I mention this because in relationships it should be the same way.  If either of you have a concern you should be able to speak about as adults and subsequently agree on and execute a resolution.  Recently, I’ve found myself and people around me feeling like we’re not being listened to and/or no one has a damn to give about how anyone else  feels with regards to certain things.

Not talking

The “standard” relationship has two people involved in it and those two people have a duty to themselves, each other and their relationship to communicate both the good and bad things that they feel.  I try to be as forthcoming with #Him as possible for two reasons that are particularly important to me; one is because it would unfair to be upset with him about something that he did or did not do but is unaware is bothering me, I need to give him a chance to rectify the problem.  The second is because if i’m gonna tell anyone what’s bothering me in my situationship it should be him; after all, if I can’t tell him about what’s bothering me within our involvement then what could I possibly build with him?

I don’t generally go to confidants with my relationship issues until such time as I’ve had time to think about them and determine my position on matters.  In the event that I can’t find a way to approach the situation or effectively communicate how I feel, I may ask one of them how they would say whatever it is that i’m trying to convey.  The important part of that process for me is the fact that my mind is already made up and I’ve already chosen a position when I ask for this advice.  I’m not giving my rendition of what happened and asking for anyone’s thoughts on how I should feel.  This is extremely important because it still allows our issues to be our own and resolved between the two of us without peanut gallery influence.

But what about when you’ve done some variation of the things mentioned above and the change is temporary or doesn’t come at all?  How do you deal with the feelings that come about as a result of your thoughts, feelings and concerns being seemingly ignored?  On the one hand, you don’t want to talk it to death; I mean how many times do you have to say “This is bothering me” and hear “I’m sorry, i’ll do better” about the same topic?  But on the other hand, you don’t like feeling ignored or unattractive or any slew of the emotions that may overtake you every time you find yourself arguing/speaking about the same things over and over again.

conversation

I’m a person who loves too hard; I love with my all or with nothing at all.  I don’t expect #Him or anyone else to love with the same passion as me in the same amount of time that I do.  I’ve been through a lot, loved and lost; I’ve lived enough to know what I cannot live without.  There are only so many times i’m gonna say i’m lonely, feeling unappreciated, feeling insecurities that I didn’t have before etc.  I can’t say much about everyone’s situation because for everyone it’s different, but what I can say is this:  Breaking points are a real thing and everyone has a moment when they realize they’d rather be happy alone than unhappy with you.  If your partner cares enough to give you the opportunity to fix the problem, care enough to try to fix it.

-B

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